PROSPECT PROFILES~

We here at the Buffalo News are keen believers in the phrase "Anything you can do, we can do so much better it makes you want to kill yourself", and since some of our less-reputable "friends" around the league have elected to move in on one of our many rackets, we see it as only fair to move in on theirs. Hence, profiles of the various young Sabres. We did, initially, have a spot of trouble finding guys to do these without degenerating into pieces of hate speech about our illustrious manager, but that problem was bypassed by finding a Swedish man to talk about The Creature From The Black Latrine and translating his gibberish. It did have to be edited - a LOT - before it was publishable, but it really was a small price to pay. Enjoy.

"Tomas Dellenbrant
Frolunda Goteburg

Tomas is a very good friend of mine. He scores lots of goals back home in Sweden for his team. This makes me sad as he makes me go in goal for him to score against. Tomas is very fast also. He can skate more fast than any man in Stockholm and so the many beautiful Swedish girls chase after him for his seed. But he is faster than them and so escapes every time. He has long hair, like that beautiful Swedish man Skwisgaar Skwigelf, but he cannot play the guitar as well. Tomas is a very very good player and will win the Rockets Richards many times. I speak to Tomas and he say "yo wigga, what up with yo ass". I ask him "Tomas are you liking going to America and playing for good America teams?" Tomas say "fo sho mo fucker, i gon shoot dey ass full of caps n shit". Tomas like your gangsters rapp, he very much like the new Two Pack singles we get here yesterday, he say "man, tupac so fuckin illin, nigga don got sum skillz son". Tomas say he hope he meet gorgeous America woman in your Buffalos and can have many beautiful Swedish babies. He very like your Britney Spear, he say "yo dat fuckin bitch got sum PHAT ASS son".

For that piece of literary excellence, you have our hockey correspondent Mats Sundin to thank. Mats is currently flying to the University of Michigan to talk to Buffalo's other first-round pick this year, Michael Hemsley. For those of you who don't understand his references or his transcript of HIS rantings, 
don't be too concerned. We didn't either.